10/27/2011

It went good at the school I'm hoping to start in January

10/26/2011

It's 2pm and my blood sugar is 593 I feel like shit

10/25/2011

Other than problems with my blood sugar it was a good day, pain levels wher high not not unbareable.

10/24/2011 7:43pm

My day started out good I made some vegan cookies that are very good. And now some big news this Thursday I go to Oakton community college to tour the campus and find out about enrolling I’m finly going to go back to school to become a Social Worker

10/20/2011

So far not to bad of a day spending time with my GF we'll see how the rest of the day goes it's 1:14pm. Its now 11:20pm and going to bed today was not to bad I needed that.

10/19/2011

I'm suffering with pneumonia. I hate life!!!!!!!

9/23/2011 11:10 PM

It wasn’t to bad of a day this is the first time in a few weeks I kept busy and that was a big help tomorrow I start being vegan again and feel I can do it this time, this morning I talked to my therapist and as usual she was a big help.  I’ll keep you all posted.

Friday 9/23/2011 9am

It’s Friday 9/23/2011 I spent the last week struggling with wanting to die and cutting but I got thru it with help from my therapist.  Today seems a little better

September 13 2011

I’m still here, barely getting by but still alive. I’m on a insulin pump now and have high hopes for it to help me get my blood sugar under control. I’m also on meds to help with my depression only there not helping yet I still find myself struggling with thoughts of dying and cutting.

12/18/10

I’m going nuts waiting for Monday, Last Monday I found out I’m in Acute Kidney Failure so I spent this past week having testes and blood work. Monday I see a kidney doctor to find out what’s next. After more than 30 year of being a diabetic I knew this could happen. This is F-in hard to deal with.

thinking of a choice

Its November 18, 2010 things are not good and I’m thinking about ending my life…

update 9/2/2010

I’m settling into my new apartment and I love it that’s been a very big help with my mood. I’m dealing with bad heart problems which are very hard to deal with but I’m getting thru it.

8/1/2010 11:48:36 PM

My blood sugar is over 600 and I’m having a panic attack, it’s hard to keep fighting to try and get healthier while living with horrible pain form advance diabetic neuropathy my doctor give me about 5 years to live but I wonder why would I want to live longer why live miserable in so much pain. Most of the time I want to live only with how bad my quality of life it makes me want to give up on life. If anyone has any suggestion or ideas or alternative treatments please let me know.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

It’s already June and I’m feeling a bit more motivated, it’s still hard but I think I’m up to the fight! I’m getting better with watching what I eat only the pain in my legs is really getting to me.

Still fighting

Well I’m still here fighting I’ve been hospitalized 3 times since my last post, one of them was from heart failure. One great think is I got my letter from hud for affordable housing so soon I may be moving to Evanston!

Vegan and Raw Recipes

I will soon be adding Vegan and Raw Recipes that I have made and was very good!

Cruelty to Animals

Butterball's House of House of Horrors

How to keep going?

I hate every part of my life right now; it’s been weeks since I last logged in. The no help at home has turned in to a very destructive environment. All I want to do is give up part of me wants to keep fighting only there also a part that is tired and wants to completely give up. And yes that is what you think it is. It’s 11 am and I’ve already eaten way to much as a way to deal with depression. I just don’t know what to do I’ll try and decide latter for now I plain on sleeping most of today.

Herbs and all there goodness

I fully believe in using herbs along with modern medicine for better health only not the over the counter types that you have no way of knowing what’s really in it but home filed capsules and tea blends, those will be listed here.

Small Disclaimer + other Important Information.

Yes I must list a small disclaimer. Everything on this blog is 100% from my life and research I’ve done. I am not a doctor and am responsible only for MY health not yours while I do respond to emailed questions always see a professional and at less talk to your doctor if you’re having problems with your health. Now the fact is good nutrition will improve anyone’s life and herbs are now being proven to be healing as I stated I’m not a doctor but I do believe you must take control of your health care and these are things that anyone can do to improve your life. As for cost I’m on a limited income and am finding ways to afford my undertaking, I will pass this on to my readers. It’s time for every human to stand up and fight the rising cost of health care and the declining health of the average person, by looking at your life and become a good healthy happy human using the gifts the earth has provided us. A health mind and body is worth fighting for but there but be a natural balanced approach to this. May there be good health and true happiness for all of us not just the few that can afford it.

Food and your health

One of the keys of better health for your body and mind is what you eat. No fighting about it meat is POISION to your body and mind. Without good nutrition you will be sick, depressed and DIE! As I explore vegan and raw food recipes, I will list them here. Recipes that are true tested high end restraint quality, there will at times even be pictures. Now get yourself a GOOD food dehydrator not a cheaply built from a discounted store that crap that will NOT give you the results you want and need. The one I use is a Excalibur I found on an auction brand-new and yes you can easily pay more than $100 for it but of the many I have owned the is the only one that gives professional long lasting quality and no I’m not being paid to say this. This is an important investment for your health that WORKS! Check here for many upcoming recipes!

Comfortably numd so I thought

8/28/2009 2:35 AM

Comfortably Numb Losing all that I am, sleepless nights, raging pure guilt, unbearable pain raging throughout my body and soul, Hopelessness, Anger, Depression, Desperate monuments of despair, Confusion, Moments of clarity and hope followed by empty rambling confusion. The only thing I truly know is my emotional health is making my health fail at a rate that should not happen. All the emotions listed above happen weeks, days even moments apart from each other. I finely understand why I understand Pink Floyd it’ like he’s speaking directly to me. I know what I should and need to do but then at the same moment I’m lost with no clue of what to do. I cannot spend my life living this way I have to fight with every part of who I am. That’s made a lot harder when sometimes I have no idea who I am. I don’t even know what makes me happy anymore. The one thing I do know is somehow I half to beat this. I don’t know how but I can’t let this beat me as it has done so many times before. Comfortably numb what a wonderful idea to bad it does NOT work not for too long anyway. I don’t know what my outcome will be and that scares the hell out of me as dose asking for help. I am truly a mess. I was told take one day at a time, right now I don’t think that’s the right way, for me one hour at a time seems to be a better idea.

Its 8/13/2009 1:30am I’m on my 3rd night of no sleep

Its 8/13/2009 1:30am I’m on my almost 3rd night of no sleep. This last week has been hell today I had an intake call from the Howard Brown Center in Chicago that’s weir my new PCP is, the call was to give them info on problems I’m having such as depression so I may see a therapist. It was a very hard call bringing up a lot of feelings I’ve tried so hard to suppress. Depression, PTSD nonstop nightmares for a large part of my life, When I was working that become a way of dealing but know with my health failing it’s becoming too much to handle and I know unless I get this under control getting my health better just won’t happen. Tired, sleepless, depressed and in server pain Blood Hell it’s too much all at the same time. From one day at a time to one hour at a time.

Becoming a vegetarian / vegan (again) how and why.

Current Updates

August 1, 2009 what happened and Why now?

Links I find to be helpful.

IT STARTS NOW!

Type 1 diabetes ( 33 completely uncontrolled years)

Gastroparesis - Nephropathy (kidney damage) - Peripheral Neuropathy

Autonomic Neuropathy - Osteoarthritis (hips, feet, knees, shoulders)

Frozen Shoulders - Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (right hand) – Hypertension – PTSD - Depression
Charcot Deformity Right Foot - Diabetic Vascular Disease - Hypothyroidism
Proliferative Diabetic Retinopathy - Focal Neuropathy

This is my list of health problems, kind of fucked-up but it has become my reality. Only I do DO EXCEPT THIS as my life’s fait. I’m tired and in pain all the time. So this is my account of standing up and fighting back, beating this and living a long happy life. I’m 38 and it starts now!